My heart hurts.
I hurt her again. Why do I keep doing this? It’s a pain. I feel it. I’m trying now, I’m trying moderately hard. I can try harder but I haven’t reached that point yet.
I don’t know if i’ll reach that point. I’m becoming afraid. She said it.
She said “I love you but I don’t think I can handle this long term”
This… was my fear. This is the source of my pain. What can I do but just try and make promises that I don’t know if I can keep. I know I can try. I know I will try. It’s going to be tough.
I want to not be jealous. I want to care. I want to be happy. I don’t think I’ve been happy for a long time. I don’t think I like that. I don’t know how I’m going to fix that.
I’m getting attached. This may be an issue. I am going to keep telling myself that you can move on without her but I know I will think of her now and then and with that I know I will not get over her like I have with everyone else. I see myself in her. I love how compatible we are in our interests but It hurts to see how we can both hurt in similar manners.
A painful sentence to hear but a very self evident truth, when something goes wrong, my heart beats of pain. I feel it in my chest. It grows heavy. It beats faster and harder.
I’ll deal with this, i just need to do it a lot faster. I will be better.
please don’t assume i don’t want to hang out with you. It’s just one day to myself every once in a while.
If you break up with me
We don’t get back together.
I am so sorry. I won’t put you through this again.
the problem is me. im the problem. how do i fix this. im not good enough to be happy.
I feel like shit.
My day is going to shit. There is nothing I or anyone else can do to fix this. It could be worse but it’s terribly bad in my eyes.
What happens when I have the best surroundings but i’m still not happy?
When everything that could go right is going well and i’m still not content?
When all variables lead to a happy life, but still depressed?
I should be happy right now. I shouldn’t have to feel this way.
Why do I.
i hurt her today and it’s visible so I should distance myself to keep her from getting hurt. I won’t do anything permanent. I just need some space to protect her and to figure out myself. This blows.